The Beginning Days of School

I hope that your youngster is having a super time in school, but if the first opening days and weeks do have some rough spots, don't be too surprised or too troubled. Some young children feel it more; some show it more; but going off to school is bound to be a time of some strain and tension for all youngsters.

Your child has a new "boss" now - Teacher. With standards and rules and a style that are different from yours. They take a little getting used to.

Every school is full of new places: the halls, the entranceways, the lockers for clothing, the out-of-doors. Maybe your child rides the bus to school - that's a major new experience. And there is the bathroom! A lot of children have real trouble using the bathroom at school, at first.

I could go on about how real the strain is for a child: getting the hang of what comes next... sorting out and figuring out who will be your friend... Even a tough, sturdy, confident child finds all this a little nerve-wracking.

The worry and the tenseness can show up in a thousand and one strange ways. The school-beginner may eat a lot more than usual or eat less. The child may have some nightmares or bad dreams, or may even wet the bed again when maybe that hasn't happened for ages.

One youngster may show the strain at the very start - crying, not wanting to stay at school. Another child may seem to glide along until... bingo! At a later time the flare-up comes and takes you completely by surprise. You thought he or she had made a perfect adjustment and then the announcement comes: "I'm not going to school any more."

School-beginners sometimes act a little sick: tired and droopy, or they have a stomachache. Some show their strain by being too noisy, too boisterous, high as a kite and too full of energy.

And a great many children are full of gripes: about the other youngsters, about the teacher, about almost anything under the sun.

There is only one way to sum up all the possibilities: You know that your child is not behaving in the usual, standard, normal way.

Of course, there may be other reasons why. But since your child is starting to school and since the "disease" - if I may call it that - is so common, there is a good likelihood that the trouble is "new-itis" or "strange-itis." Your child is reacting to the difficult job of getting feet down on the ground, of coming to feel comfortable and safe in a new setting, of becoming an "old-timer."

When this happens in your family, there are some ways you can help. The most important help is your understanding. Not anything you do or anything you say. It is how you feel. Children catch feelings. They know.

So if you feel deep inside that it is rough to take on something new - if you have ever gone through it yourself and been a greenhorn or a beginner - your sense of sympathy, your understanding, will get across to your child and be a great support.

Your sympathy and your confidence, too.

You have gone through it. We all have gone through it. It usually ends well. So while you feel sympathetic, you don't get all worried and tense. You don't get in a tizzy or in a stew. Along with your sympathy you have a very solid faith: It will work out. Your child will catch that feeling, too.

Then, of course, there are things you can do. If your child is feeling uptight, that is a good time for you to be a little easy-going and tolerant.

A youngster who is adjusting to school sometimes is a little fresh at home: talking back, for example, or acting like a "know-it-all," being boastful and loud and noisy. You have to keep in mind: This really isn't the child talking. This is "tenseness" talking. This is "worry" talking. "Being-a-little-scared" is talking.

You don't have to be alarmed about your child. As soon as the adjustment to school gets over, your youngster will be the same as ever. It helps, until then, if you can keep from making a federal case out of everything.

You may find this easier to do if you don't take your child's words too seriously. That may sound strange because I will always urge you: Take your child seriously - that is important. But not your child's words.

You have to translate "child talk." The words may come out sounding like: school is awful... my teacher is awful... the kids are awful... life is awful... If you take the words at face value, you can end up feeling that emergency measures are called for. Bring on the U.S. Marines! But if you translate, the words actually mean: "I'm a little unhappy. A little worried. I'm feeling my way."

Instead of any great excitement, a hug or a squeeze or a joke may be much more in order. Or some roughhouse or a cookie or anything that says. "Life is still warm and safe."

There is a general tip here: Any time school seems to be going badly for the moment, do whatever you can to make home life go well. Try to work in the nice things at home that all children like. Read stories at bedtime, at bathtime. Play games together. Take a walk together. Go for a ride. Take a little trip to see something special in the neighborhood. Let your child work with you on a project: whipping up a cake or a pudding or a stew. Or digging in the garden. Whatever makes for good company, in whatever time you have, will be all to the good. Real pleasures at home can balance out some troubles elsewhere. One can make the other easier to take.

One last point: Whenever you get signals that life at school is bumpy, by all means, talk with your youngster's teacher. Call up on the telephone. Send a note asking the teacher to call you. Or work out a time for a brief, private chat before school or after. One way or another, your child's teacher ought to know how your youngster is reacting at home.

A teacher may be able to fill you in on some school happenings which can be the explanation.

Or the teacher may be very surprised when you report that you are getting repercussions at home. From the school standpoint, everything may seem fine. It does work out that way at times. A child looks perky as can be in school. It isn't until the youngster gets home - the safe, friendly homegrounds - that there is a letdown. Then the Feelings of fear and worry show through. In school the child covers up, so a teacher is often glad to be tipped off.

Not that there always are things either you or the school can do. Basically, children must live their own lives and solve their own problems. You can't smooth everything out for a child, and you wouldn't want to if you could, because even the ragged times make a contribution to a youngster's strength and resiliency.

But home and school can talk together. And home and school can watch together. And home and school can think together. Boys and girls are very lucky who have such important people thinking about them.